His Entries #5

August 13, 2016


Today was our 2nd appointment with the therapist. She asked both of us how we felt today. Derek was glaring at the wall probably imagining me on fire.

“We’re good.” I responded for both of us. Derek was pretending to scratch his face, but in reality was flipping me off. I wanted to chuckle, but that wouldn’t have helped the situation. I kept scratching itching my right ankle with the bottom of my sneaker as the therapist analyzed both of us with enthralled eyes.

She placed the end of her pen on the edge of her lip “I’m sensing that Derek doesn’t agree everything has been going well.”

“Well he threw a book at me.” I blurted, feeling a dagger approach my neck from Derek’s disbelief.

“You lied to me.” Derek whined.

“What did Jeff lie about?”

Derek thoroughly explained the other night leading into last night. That I “hurt him with my lies.” Why would you want to tell someone the truth and then they flip out on you like you murdered their first born child? As Derek’s walls began to cave in, I realized that he was upset because I didn’t apologize.

While Derek was pouring his emotions out, I was contemplating started to contemplate whether or not my relationship with Derek was worth it anymore. I didn’t want to be married to someone that wanted to lie down with me in a bed of depression. My thoughts were interrupted when Derek said “Jeff I love you so much.” I glanced over and he was crying. I didn’t hear everything he said, but I hadn’t seen this “upset but caring” side to him in a while.

I blurted more words “I’m sorry I lied to you.”

Derek stopped mid conversation and both of them stared at me in awe. A half smile appeared in the corner of Derek’s cute mouth.

“This is progress.” The therapist’s skin countenance beamed.  

I might be getting laid tonight.


August 13, 2016


Dear Journal,

My fists couldn’t unwind. As we walked into Patricia’s office, Jeff was a soothing breeze and I was a hurricane. My temple of tranquility felt compromised and it was difficult to reattach reconstruct the peace. Jeff’s happiness made no rational sense considering what happened between us the night before. I had a lot bottled up inside of me, but I didn’t want spray my thoughts everywhere like a busted fire hydrant.

While I was staring off at the wall, I couldn’t help but reminisce. One of the first dates Jeff and I had was magical remarkable. I had planned to cook him dinner at my house (living with parents at the time) and then cuddle while watching a movie. But while I was stirring Alfredo into a pot filled with chicken and pasta, the electricity went out. I cursed at the darkness while using tactile senses to retrieve a flashlight. A lantern covered in dust ran into my foot fortunately. When I ran up the stairs in a panic, we sat across from each other. The lantern shined on my bedroom ceiling while we asked each other any questions we could think of.

We both like the color blue; it’s relaxing, yet bold. He loves pandas while I love panthers. If possible, we think it would be really cool if we could vacation in bikini bottom with Spongebob Squarepants. Fascination could never leave this moment. He asked if he could kiss me. I responded with a nod. He grabbed my chin and slowly, but effortlessly graced my lips with his. What I loved about this moment was that we didn’t need to conduct transform into animalistic behavior. We could make love with innocence. When my eyes wanted to shut down, I checked my almost dead phone to see what time appeared. It read “2 A.M.”. We both bit our lips when we realized seven hours had gone by from passionately kissing each other. The movie was still in its case and food was wasted on the stove, but my vision was fixated and my stomach with filled with joy.

Patricia broke me out of the daydream when she noticed I was upset about something. I was upset that Jeff and I didn’t love each other like we used to. I mean, will those sensations ever resurface? Will his scent ever latch onto my skin? I started digging into a well of emotions and they all came pouring out. I told him that I loved him. That feeling doesn’t go away easily no matter how much two people fight. He said that he was sorry and everything we have been fighting about seemed to lighten the weight from worry off of my shoulders.

Patricia gave us work packets filled with questions to help us reconnect. The first one was “What is your favorite color?” I learned when turning pages in a book to never revisit past pages, but this was a story I wanted to remember.

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